Growing Up is Hard To Do

September 17, 2015

There are some movies that are classics, that define a generation or survive the years, decades, even centuries. People love them because they remind us of the struggles of our ancestors, the struggles we have today and they present epic love stories that we only wish were our own. They make us laugh and help us forget our troubles, they teach us, they make us smarter or more open to other ideas.  I will gladly share that among my favourite movies are: West Side Story, Gone With the Wind, Miracle on 34th Street, The Wizard of Oz, Mary Poppins and Billy Madison.

I watched this final addition to the list just last night.  I watched it twice.  I watched it twice because I couldn’t believe the effect it had on me.  I watched it twice because I couldn’t believe the effect it had on me and my everyday conversations.  I literally quote this movie or think about quoting this movie every single day of my life. (Sometimes when there is nobody around, I don’t think ‘quoting’ is the right description, but I must admit I still say some lines out loud.  Whatever, don’t judge me!)

Billy Madison came out when I was in high school.  I watched it religiously in college.  In college, when I dreaded 8 am classes, shot vodka with a slice of orange chaser and went on road trips where our only goal was to eat at as many different fast food restaurants as possible.  Little did I know that my taste at that time was historic, it was classic and I should obviously never question the decisions I made in those years.  Glad we established that, let’s continue …

Now, many don’t consider Adam Sandler as the voice of a generation but really, you should.  He produced and starred in some amazing movies, such as the aforementioned ‘Billy Madison,’ but also ‘Happy Gilmore’ which provided many amazing enlightenments (“the price is WRONG, bit(h!), as did ‘The Wedding Singer.’  I know that every time anyone meets a Julia, they automatically think “Julia Gulia, how unfortunate.”  No?  Just me?  Fine, then.  “So sorry to interrupt … proceed … ” (quote from ol’ Billy, right there).

Mr. Sandler is also an amazing singer/songwriter.  Amongst his masterpieces:  “Red Hooded Sweatshirt”  (dip dip dip) and not one, but TWO versions of “The Hanukkah Song.”  Obviously listing a whole bunch of talented or attractive Jewish people and their holiday traditions is worthy of note.  Then there are the more obscure “Lunchlady Land,”  and “Thanksgiving Song,”  (turkey lurkey doo and a turkey turkey dap, I eat my turkey then I take a nap … gobble gobble goo and a gobble gobble gickle, I wish turkey only cost a nickel).  Don’t even let me loose on “Steve Polychronopolous.”  Musical.  Genius.  *Mic drop.*

I remember arguing with the lovely classmate seated behind me in high school history class about whether shampoo or conditioner is better.  And you never want a swan to be staring at you, correct?  So glad Billy taught me how to properly deal with these situations.

I especially love Billy’s people skills.  There is a certain character in the movie, Eric, that insists on antagonizing Billy throughout!  What the he!l, man?!  Seriously, Eric, it can’t be easy to complete grades 1 through 12 in TWO WEEKS EACH!  This is a task for only the most serious of students, which obviously Billy was not, so cut him some slack, dude!  Despite his constant antagonization, Billy kept his humour, insisting on laughing his way to an eventual “SHUT UP!”  Eric tried to cheat, bribe, and embarrass his way into ownership of Billy’s dad’s company.  Billy kept his chin up, admitted the areas where Eric was superior and came out successful in the end, winning his right to keep the company, legitimately graduate from high school and land his hot 3rd grade teacher (duh!).

Let’s not forget about the important health implications laid out in this movie.  Billy encouraged the use of sunscreen and showed the adverse effects of consuming copious amounts of alcohol in the sun while not adding a tall glass of water to the menu in between daquiris.  Bravo, “Happy Madison” productions, bra-vo!

I do have to admit, however, that I think the movie company was a little irresposible in allowing a penguin to be roaming around in a habitat that is obviously foreign to this species.  California is certainly no place for a 6 ft. tall Antarctic creature.  I really hope the AARP was on set during the filming of the scenes involving this rare bird.  No – ASPCA, I mean ASPCA.

Billy was tormented throughout his school years “re-do” by a family of bullies, all harassing him in different ways throughout his journey and always claiming that “O’Doyle rules!”  We come to learn that this group of brothers are encouraged by their parents to feign superiority over their classmates.  What awful examples of parenting and sportsmanship this family sets forth.  But Billy uses his “WITS” (walk away, ignore, tell someone, seek help), and while the fate of the O’Doyles is certainly somber and unfortunate, I’m encouraged that I can use Billy’s demeanor towards his bullies as a good guide for my children in how to deal with classmates who obviously are not given proper guidance at home.

This movie introduces children and adults alike to the world of science experimentation.  Billy and his friends set out one night to find out what happens when a bag of dog poo is set on fire and left on a neighbor’s front porch.  First, we realize that sometimes we use different words to mean the same thing.  This could be based on personal preference or perhaps go as far as identifying cultural differences.  When the character of ‘Ted’ opens the door to find the bag, his first instinct is to step on it to stop the flames from spreading.  Good thinking, Ted, though your wife warned you against this!  When he realizes the flames were disguising a more sinister surprise, he exclaims: “that poop again!”   Billy and his friends are so intrigued by this man’s word choice.  “He called the $hit, poop!” they laugh, and agree that they are having a wonderful time experimenting with science and human nature.

Let’s go back to Ted and his initial instinct to put the flames out by stomping them.  As we know his wife warned against this.  Obviously Ted is a man that does not learn from his mistakes.  Perhaps he is afflicted with a disease that causes short term memory loss.  We wonder if Ted is senile (he IS in the 70-80 yr. range), suffering from dementia or Alzheimer’s.  He warns his wife:  “don’t tell me my business devil woman!”  Ah, Ted, you old bugger!  Obviously, you and your wife have been together for so long that you now refer to HER as the devil.  This teaches us the importance of making a commitment and sticking to it.  Even though Ted views his wife as the anti-Christ, they are still living in the same home, concerned for the structure and making the best of the commitment to marriage that they entered into all those years ago.  Or maybe she just makes a really great lasagna.  Who can resist lasagna, really?

I can go on and on about the many important lessons that this seemingly mindless movie has taught me personally, but I feel it is best to leave you all with this tidbit: we can learn from EVERYTHING.  We can appreciate small lessons disguised as humour and we can teach using even the most inappropriate and silly situations.  Don’t judge others by differences in taste or preference.  Apologize when you are wrong.  Realize that, though others may not treat you well, sometime’s it’s not their fault.  Forgive those who hurt you.  Have friends that make you laugh.  Don’t be a bully.  And, most importantly, don’t fake sick from school – you may end up shaving someones arm pits.

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