The Dishonest Social Medialite

My marriage is over.  Yup, there it is.  And no, this isn’t one of my dumb metaphors.  I don’t mean the marriage between my eyes and stomach, where I’m going to stop grabbing cupcakes in triplicate.  Nor am I referring to the marriage between my lips and wine, that love will last into my next lifetime.  I’m talking my real life, love and respect, laugh and grow, raise children and have each other’s backs, “I do” until death do us part marriage.  For many that know me – and him – us – this came as a shock.  Maybe you’re just finding out now, and are reading this thinking “Kris is a dumbass, this is a prank.”  I assure you this is no joke.  My marriage is over and nobody outside of our home saw it coming because I am a Dishonest Social Medialite.  I fabricated that term, but I kinda like it so it’s staying.

I felt compelled to write about this because, on several occasions, social media has been identified as one of the factors in the downfall of my relationship.  I refuse, however, to place the blame neatly in that box, there were many contributors to this unfortunate conclusion.  But those contributors are for myself and the man I married to hold until we are ready to share, if we are ever ready to share.  I feel there is an important line which separates honesty and oversharing.  There are things in my life that will always remain private.  I will disclose, however, that I have been accused of “pretending” that we had a happy home life.  I argue that it was never the thing of nightmares and in my opinion, social media is for sharing triumphs and happy memories.  I originally partook to keep my family and friends, most of whom do not live near me, abreast of the comings and goings of my life and that of my children.  And my girls are the cutest and smartest, most athletic, funniest, most talented and wonderful children ever to emerge from a mother’s womb, so why wouldn’t everyone want pictures and daily anecdotes?  Really!

My social media use evolved into reconnecting with old friends and connecting for the first time with distant family members.  As the options for ways to use this form of communication and entertainment grew, as did my use.  I will admit that it has probably taken too much of my time and energy, time and energy that could have been used for something more productive.  Something like communicating with my husband.  Yes, I am openly admitting that.  But again, just a small piece of the puzzle.

Being in the single world again is weird.   A lot has changed in 15 years and I’m totally not ready for it.  But as I’m meeting other singles, or maybe just spending more time with the ones I already knew, one theme keeps popping up.  It’s the “I had no idea you guys weren’t happy” shocker.  “I saw your pictures from your trip to Hawaii.”  “Those family photos were so perfect.”  “You guys have such a beautiful home.”  “I love how this or that or blah blah blah … ”   Why?  Because we don’t share the shitty, really personal stuff.  We just don’t.  Nobody wants to read that you suspect your spouse of cheating. (Full disclosure – this was NOT our situation.)  I don’t really want to share that I just spent my entire paycheck on car repairs (oops, I guess I just did.)  There are days that I’d rather sleep all day in the three unfolded loads of laundry on my bed than fold it or do literally anything else.  Some days I actually do that.  Do people want to know that?  Probably not.

I’ve decided I’m going to be more honest.  Not like “guess what my poop looked like today!” honest.  But no more “my life is roses and gold-nugget vomiting Leprauchans.”  It’s not.