Okay, FINE!! To those of you familiar with #RiaStrikesAgain – you’re getting your wish – more Ria-isms. I’ve had a lot of difficulty trying to formulate a reasonable structure to bring my second child’s shenanigans to light in a more regular but equally satisfying way. So I had a conversation with my kids’ dad and decided to homeschool the kids for the 2020-21 school year so I can bring Ria’s fans their daily – or more likely weekly – dose of tomfoolery.
Yeah, didn’t really go down like that. It was more like “I know I’m going to stress over every sniffle and cough this school year. I know school is likely to be shut down for two weeks at a time on a number of occasions to exorcise the Covid demons. I know I sucked donkey butt at helping my kids with remote learning this spring. I know that I’d rather just be in charge (what – me? need control? weird). I know that the kids need consistency in routine and guidance with their education. I know that our work and custody schedules allow us to pull this off. I know that homeschooling is the best thing for the kids this year.” And he agreed. So away we go.
Enter the research phase of homeschooling. Lots of info out there but of the most significance is the fact that the girls will likely need a combined four hours of instruction/work time per day. Meaning there will be many, many hours for us to get creative with regards to other educational endeavours. I read that as “extra science experiments and creative writing time.” Or possibly “free play while mom gets some work done.” Maybe even the very hopeful “one of you cook dinner while the other massages my feet – with lotion.” Big sis will interpret it as “video games, swimming, or hitting dingers against the neighbors’ houses.” But Ria, darling Ria’s translation will likely be “Creature Collecting and Strategic Hiding 101,” “Proper Profanity Spelling for First Grade and Beyond,” and “How to Get out of Trouble with Mom in an Instant” (an advanced course).
While she has spent only a year and a half in a formal school setting so far, little Ria has made a big impression. I’ve gotten reports that she’s very kind and helpful, being one of the most dependable students in the class, certainly making her mother proud. Apparently, she’s also a bit of a teacher herself. I had the pleasure of having a chat with her lovely teacher after school one day about how she taught a number of her classmates a new song. Goes a little something like this: “my little pony, skinny and bony, went to the circus, farted on purpose.” And don’t think she just asked her friends to recite it – nope – made them write it out, too. This was discovered at the end of the year when belongings were being returned to families. Probably why, every time I asked for a summer playdate with her classmates, the moms promptly responded “sorry, our ‘bubble’ is full!” Whatever, my kid’s going places! Very often it’s to her room while I try not to laugh at her latest outburst.
So, buckle up, folks (I know I will be … ), we are in for a wild ride this year!
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